This week has seemed a little heavier than it had to be. My brow had been more tense in thought than usual. I even noticed it when I was going for my runs… Although I still made the distance, it wasn’t as enjoyable, and my body felt heavier than it usually does.
I realised a couple of days ago what it was… I had been so harsh on myself this week. It kinda crept up on me. I feel sometimes when you are someone who wants to learn and understand the truth about yourself, life, and others, it is easy to become focused on where you ‘haven’t quite got yet’ rather on how far you’ve come and where you are in your present moment.
It hit me when I was out with my friend. I had been feeling a little worried about something, and allowed myself to admit it. I got tired of holding it in. My friend’s response? “It’s ok.” I kinda sat for a moment and was like, “Oh, it is ok. Sigh. I feel better already.”
I had convinced myself that I had to be resolute in my decisions to only entertain and talk about uplifting thoughts, and in doing so had bullied myself into feeling as though I ‘shouldn’t’ be feeling any kind of doubt, worry, sadness, fear etc.
Pondering back to the blog I wrote on Ogres, I saw that perhaps I had been a little harsh in what I said about fears not being real. The feeling of fear is real. All feelings are. It is ok to admit you feel worried, or afraid, or sad. If that’s what you feel, then you are simply acknowledging the truth of how you feel. Feelings are not ‘bad’ or ‘good’; they just are. Pushing against them or ignoring them will only make you heavy and dishonest. I had been telling myself that my feelings were bad. Not ok. That obviously doesn’t make you feel happy and free.
What the fear is based on, however, is not real. They are imaginary stories…’what if’s’ and sensationalised scenarios that haven’t even happened.
So what does that mean? Acknowledge the truth of how you feel, the truth of what is not real, and let it go. Move on. That way you are not blocking the flow, but moving with it… And go gently.