Life had seemed so ‘blah’ lately. I had felt as though I was trying to flog a dead horse. Trying to get my enthusiasm back. The things that usually get me so happy and excited just seemed so bland and dry, so stagnant and lifeless. I couldn’t figure out what was ‘wrong’ with me. (Nothing is ever actually ‘wrong’ with us.. just different).
My creativity had disappeared. My addictive behaviours slowly creeping in.. and I felt so guilty and ashamed, as I know life is so full of wonder. I just couldn’t seem to find it.
In a moment of frustration though, something clicked. I realised how much I had wanted people closest to me (my parents, my boyfriend, my siblings) to delight in me and my creativity. To delight in me, Sarah Shah. I have wanted it my whole life. Ah.. Now I see. No amount of wanting that from anyone else will cure my starving soul. I need to delight in me. I know the moments of my greatest creativity and joy have been when I have loved what I have created and not given a stuff about what anyone else thought about it! I was enough for me. I AM enough for me.
I have seen this before, but I really saw it tonight 🙂
I started playing my guitar and for the first time in a while I enjoyed it with my whole Being. The creativity started flowing.. I felt alive. I felt joy. I felt me 🙂
I delighted in me.
The funny thing is.. When you really delight in you, you just wanna share you with whoever wants to be shared with. So.. here I am 🙂