As I was driving home from the Sunshine Coast yesterday afternoon, I suddenly had this amazing sense of freedom and joy.. and relief!
“I did it!”
It was a massive week this week. Such a surge of really extreme emotions, and so many opportunities to really let myself go in ways that I know I would rather not. I felt such extreme feelings of anger and wanted to blame people for this and for that, and at times not knowing exactly what to do with it, all I could do was find myself a quiet spot and breathe. I felt such anger at myself too, for not knowing how to move the feelings quickly, and for feeling angry and wanting to blame people at all. It wasn’t just one or two things either, it was like a back-to-back succession of constant hits.. haha.. You know those times where you’re only just getting to your feet in the ocean when another wave comes, and another, and another.. The ocean doesn’t care if you’ve got a breath in or not, it just does what it wants. Uuugh!
There were so many times where I felt like lashing out at people and telling them what I thought of them in the moment, but I know that for me, anger is simply a sign that I am somehow giving my power away to something outside of myself. It’s not about them, (as much as it seems to be sometimes!!), it’s about me.
“Ok Sarah, how can you take your power back in this situation?”
I pondered this. It’s not up to me to try and change anybody else, and to be honest, I would never want to do that anyway. I also don’t want to be a walkover and feel less empowered by shutting myself down. Hmm.. Ok, I need to make this moment about the person I want to be. So what if that person said this, or did that, or seems to be incredibly selfish, impatient, rude.. That’s not really any of my business. That’s them. That’s who they are choosing to be right now. Who am I? This is an opportunity for me to define who I am. They’re being rude? I’m going to be patient. They’re being pushy and only thinking about themselves? I am going to be easy-flowing and considerate. They seem like they’re just taking as much as they can get? I am going to give freely and generously, and be connected to an unlimited source. You get the idea. Any time I started to feel that fury rise.. (and believe me, I was on fire at times! haha).. I paused, breathed, and chose to make it a defining moment.
This is who I am. This is who I choose to be in this moment. At times, I felt a little shaky – ok really shaky – but after a week, and seemingly out of nowhere on my drive home yesterday I had a sudden strong sense of peace and empowerment flowing through my Being..
“I DID IT!”
I felt so happy, so free, so empowered! I was so overcome with emotion that I cried tears of joy! I felt so proud of myself! I had been through the fire and made it through, and not only made it through, but shining! Alchemy! Turned lead into gold!
And you know what the best thing about it was? I actually really liked the person I had become. The person I Am.