Half Of It

I heard Rihanna’s song ‘Half of Me’ yesterday as I was driving my car.. It came on as a random song in a mix of r’n’b tracks – The first line had me straight away.. “You saw me on the television, setting fire to all the buildings, yeah I guess you caught me stealing, but you got no idea what I’ve been needin'”

It spoke to me. I felt it.

For me the song is about judgement and the way the world is often so quick to make assumptions and criticise.. Why are we so eager to talk about others, pull down, and place blame? Is it because we feel less than perfect ourselves?

We are not here to ever shake our heads at what anybody else is doing. It’s none of our business. We are here to love. Unconditionally. In trying to ‘change’ someone or correct them in any way, we are immediately seeing them as faulty or not quite perfect – thinking our ideas are the better ones. No wonder we feel so uncomfortable and defensive being near people who keep trying to tell us what to do. It’s almost as though they are saying “You are not perfect as you are. You are not acceptable. Your decisions are not the right ones.” We have all experienced this, and we have all done it to others. We can change though. We can choose love.

No-body knows the complete story of anybody else’s life. No-one. Not even those closest to us. Not even your parents. You see someone stealing and you think, “Hey, get out and find a job! Everyone else has to work hard. I work and earn my way… ” And all the rest of it. What if that person has a severe addiction that they don’t know how to control? You might say, “yeah, well they should control it.” What if they were born to drug addicted parents, what if they saw their parents murdered, had escaped from a war torn country, what if they’d been abused.. what if, what if, what if…? What if every morning they wake up and hope this is the day they will be more of the person they know they truly are proud to be, what if every day they choose to get back up again even though they stole ten days in a row and hate themselves for it? You just never know.

Shame is a yucky feeling. I remember feeling this when I was young and not quite knowing what it was but knowing I hated the feeling. Shame is feeling like there is something wrong with not so much what you do, but who you are. Being ashamed of who you are leads you to engage in even more behaviours you feel ashamed of.  It’s a weight of heaviness sinking in around your life. It’s like an all encompassing darkness that suffocates all living inspiration and creativity. All you feel like doing is hiding. You find yourself engaging in behaviours you don’t even like, or can’t figure out if you like, and hiding away from the outside world.

The only way to dissolve its power is through complete and pure conditional love.

I see you. I love you.

I’ve been saying this to myself over and over the past couple of days. I see you Sarah. I love you.

I recorded Rihanna’s song – my version of it.

I see you Rihanna. I love you. x

Thank you

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