Ben’s brother Daniel, his friend Kim from New Jersey, and myself, did something super awesome yesterday morning.. We climbed Mount Warning!
It was AWESOME!!!
I LOVE the feeling of simply being there together and using these wonderful bodies of ours to make our way to the top of the mountain. I especially loved the part near the peak where you climb all fours on the rock! Love it!
It was even more profoundly special for me as it happened to coincide precisely with the day I had decided to face two other mountains in my life. One to do with my health (and possibly the biggest fear I have in my life), and the other.. parallel parking! haha..
It’s funny with the parallel parking thing too, as I used to be a pro. Didn’t even think twice. No matter what the conditions I would nail it every single time. Then under pressure once I turned too early and hit the curb. I felt so sucky about it I avoided doing a parallel park again unless I could do it the cheat way and drive in nose first and adjust. And every time I did, the fear would grow and grow and GROW (and my shame about failing would grow and grow and grow) until one day I realised how ridiculous it was and I tried again and completely stuffed it up entirely putting so much pressure on myself. I was trying to think too hard about the correct methods and what other people were saying..
Enough. I was out and saw a parallel park that I wanted to park in. Again I went to avoid it but instead caught myself and said, ‘Now’s the time. Time to hit this thing head on.’ So I tried a park. Curb. Tried again. Curb. Tried again. Even more curb.
“Uugh! I can’t do it!” I started to cower away again but stopped. “I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it. Now.” So I went and found another park with less people around. Tried again. Curb. Then I thought, “rather than do this by theory, I’ll do it by feeling like I used to. Tried again. Almost! Again. Little curb. Again. Oh, almost! I am a little far away from the curb, but the motion was right.” Anyway, I did it about twenty times until I could do it every time (sometimes still curbing it, but less and less so, and learning every time). After a while I got it every time. I even found a different space and did it there perfectly too.
Every time I avoided my fear, the fear itself would grow and paralyse me! The fear grew into this ginormous monster that wasn’t even based on anything true anymore! It was just an annoying big black cloud of nothingness that I had imagined. Every single time I have stepped in the direction of my great fears, they have been so much easier than I originally thought. I am not saying they were a piece of cake – although sometimes they were – but never as bad as I had made it out to be. AND the happiness I felt from doing it!!!! Nothing compares to the feeling! “I did it! I did it!”
Climbing to the top of Mount Warning was a literal metaphor for climbing to the top of my other two mountains. As a bonus, the final verse for my most recently finished song ‘No Want to Want’ came to me and is based on facing these fears.
No Want To Want (final verse)
Not going to run
Away from this place
Your spell was broken
When we stood face to face
And I don’t need anything else
No I don’t need anything else.
Turn our back on our fears and they will grow. Let’s face the mountain. One step and the spell is broken. I believe in you. I know you do too. We can do it.
You don’t need anything else. And the view is spectacular 😉
Thank you Dan. Thank you Kim. xxx