Thinking about Christmas this week, I’ve been pondering what it is that people truly need around this time of year? While the response to this would vary greatly depending on who you are, I think that there are a few common themes that come up for most.. Love, peace, a sense of connection, a feeling of kindness and giving, rest, spaciousness.. A time to be still with yourself, or in the company of others.
Thinking about this I wondered, “Is that what people are feeling?” A lot of people find themselves feeling stressed; pressured to get things done and at the same time feeling that what they are doing isn’t enough. People tend to hurry and move from place to place and not really rest at all. Even on Christmas Day many feel torn about where they “should” be and what they “should” be giving. Worrying what people are thinking and whether they have given enough in whatever way. We love the idea of peace and joy on Christmas, but a lot of the time there seems to be these other things that “get in the way” of this happening. The reason I thought about this is because something happened for me personally that got me thinking about the way we tell our brains that we Love/Hate Christmas.
Thinking about this from a psychological level (as I love to do!), I realised something! Although many of use do enjoy Christmas, there are also parts of it that our brain thinks that we hate. We may be thinking, “I want to see my family this year,” but at the same time, “Oh, but I hate driving on Christmas and there is always so much traffic,” or “I love buying gifts for people,” but, “I really don’t have the money,” We keep giving our brains mixed messages!
Something interesting about the brain is that it moves in the direction it thinks you want it to go. If you say, “I love buying gifts for people,” it thinks, “Ok cool, operation buying gifts..” and will start moving you in that direction. If you then add, “Oh, but I don’t have the money,” it will stop and start resisting the urge to buy things.. SO here is where the stress kicks in. You want to buy gifts, but at the same time you don’t want to spend money. You see a perfect gift for someone, “Oh, that’s perfect for …..,” but then immediately feel stressed as your brain kicks in saying, “You don’t want to spend money.” Immediately you have blocked the flow of energy and stress builds. Indecision and incongruence (things mismatching within yourself) are known to be the greatest cause of stress to human beings!
The craziest thing about this too, is that it is often happening without us even realising AND with many things all at the same time.
So.. we need to find a way to find harmony or a sense of congruency within ourselves. It is congruency within that leads to those feelings of love, peace, connection, and stillness – most of things we desire especially during the Christmas season. As we go about the festivities, we need to make decisions we feel good about – decisions that satisfy both opposing forces. Consider the thoughts as they come. Is it true that you love buying gifts for people? Yes. (Or no.. whatever it is). Maybe you actually prefer to make something with what you already have. Or prepare a dish. Or write a note.. Or simply be present as your gift. If that is so, then you have immediately created congruency because you don’t want to spend money and you no longer need to.
If the answer is yes to buying the gifts, then continue. Is it true that you don’t have the money or don’t want to spend it? Yes. (Or whatever your answer is). Ok, well is there an amount you are happy to spend? Is there a way you could buy less expensive gifts so that you can give gifts AND not spend so much money? Or just buy for certain people this year? Now I know other things come into play here, for example wanting to buy people specific things that are expensive and so on, but I think you get what I am saying. What you need to ask yourself, is how can YOU be happy with whatever decisions you make? If you force yourself to do things you don’t want to at Christmas, you will end up hating it – and perhaps end up avoiding it altogether. The thing about that though, is that if you really want to love it but don’t because of everything else attached, you will still be in a Love/Hate Christmas position.
The gift here is to yourself. Ask yourself what YOU feel about Christmas. What does it mean to you – does it actually even mean anything? What is important to you at this time of year? Then take note of the Love/Hate thoughts happening as you go about your days. Find a way to bring a sense of peace to both sides as they arise. Be gentle. No forcing. Gentleness draws closer, forcing pushes away.
Also, remember that this kind of thing is happening for everyone. If people seem to be giving mixed messages, it is probably because they have their own inner war going on. Be kind. Cut them some slack. We all just want to feel good and give freely what we feel safe and happy to give. No matter who we are and whether we celebrate Christmas or not.
If you find yourself getting stuck and needing an outside perspective, feel free to contact me! I love helping people to find ways to bring peace to both sides of the story. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel when you start putting this idea into practise.
Happy Holidays Beautiful People xxx